Anodyne

This week is a tough one for my mom. In a routine check-up, her doctor found a penny-size 'lesion' in her right lung in a CAT scan. Her family doctor referred her to a lung specialist and she went to see Dr. Addison late last week. Dr. A carefully explained the process in finding out the origin and cause of the lesion - a biopsy and then a PET scan. He also elaborated that based on the biopsy, he would be able to determine how 'old' the lesion is and whether it's benign or malignant. Apparently, he mentions that the older the lesion is, the better, as it may well be a scab situated there for awhile and had not intrude or obstructed the functions of her lung. I accompanied my mom to the hospital yesterday for her biopsy, a procedure that involved a needle being inserted in her back directly at the lesion in order to retrieve vital fluids that will determine what it is. It'll take 3 days to find out the answer.

My mom is doing very well but experienced nausea last night which is a normal side effect. I waited for about 4 hours at the hospital which included the pre- and post-surgical procedure. It all went very smoothly. I joked around with her to ease her worries. In Chinese, if someone's talking behind your back, it's expressed as if someone is poking you in the back and literally that was happening to mom. It's good to see her laugh and be calm. It takes courage and bravery to face all things that are physically 'taxing' to the human body. That's why I always believe one can never separate the entire entity of human beings - physical, psychological/mental & emotional. In the medical world, I know how that goes and holistic health and wellness are now coming into the forefront of medical belief and practice. The good doctors are those who practice good bedside manners and Dr. A is an excellent one, thank god!

It's nice to see that my mom even fell asleep for 2 hours in her hospital room. At her bedside, I read the following poem which I also sent to a dear friend last week. During difficult times, anything 'healing' is the best source of comfort and strength. It's something I say out of experience and out of my soul. I got to talk to a few nurses at the facility and witnessed other patients there. I just smiled back from their stares and said hello. They asked me what I was reading. A few items but this piece of poem has been with me for a loooooong time and is one of my favorites! Hope you have something up your sleeve to heal yourself and others too. Enjoy!


Anodyne - By Yusef Komunyakaa

I love how it swells
into a temple where it is
held prisoner, where the god
of blame resides. I love
slopes & peaks, the secret
paths that make me selfish.
I love my crooked feet
shaped by vanity & work
shoes made to outlast
belief. The hardness
coupling milk it can't
fashion. I love the lips,
salt & honeycomb on the tongue.
The hair holding off rain
& snow. The white moons
on my fingernails. I love
how everything begs
blood into song & prayer
inside an egg. A ghost
hums through my bones
like Pan's midnight flute
shaping internal laws
beside a troubled river.
I love this body
made to weather the storm
in the brain, raised
out of the deep smell
of fish & water hyacinth,
out of rapture & the first
regret. I love my big hands.
I love it clear down to the soft
quick motor of each breath,
the liver's ten kinds of desire
& the kidney's lust for sugar.
This skin, this sac of dung
& joy, this spleen floating
like a compass needle inside
nighttime, always divining
West Africa's dusty horizon.
I love the benchmark
posed like a fighting cock
on my right shoulder blade.
I love this body, this
solo & ragtime jubilee
behind the left nipple,
because I know I was born
to wear out at least
one hundred angels.

from 'The Pleasure Dome' - Yusef Komunyakaa