thank you, dad.

Today marks the 7th year of dad's passing in 2003. This year dad turns 75 years young. Time has given me a lot of peace and perspective on my grieving process. The images of dad has become fuller and multiple. I used to become so teary-eyed when I thought of him in his battle with cancer, or the idea of him not being in our lives, or seeing his children thrive as adults, and meeting his grandchildren, and seeing me walk down the aisle some day. It's easy to go through life believing that there's a big hole in the heart after losing an important loved one, especially with a busy work schedule in the past that kept me away from myself. Luckily, in the last 2 years, there's been some great revelations and discoveries in my inner life. I attribute this to my grad. school experience which has given me an opportunity to reflect on many things including dad.

Those 'old' thoughts & feelings and 'sad' images of dad's last few years have been replaced by a 'sunshine' of inner warmth and peace. I look around me sometimes, and I observe some adults who have tension, disagreement and hatred toward their father/parents and rarely do I observe a genuine bond and connection with their own father. I come to learn that who we are as a person with our personalities, family culture, ethnicities, etc...really shape us into who we are today. I began to seek out who my father was, and the kind of person he was that shaped me into who I am today. I even applied some of the theories I've learned in grad school to help me understand many things related to my father.

The highlight of discovering dad was when I visited dad's old mentor and friend (Dr. Chan), who lived in New York City's Long Island. I wasn't sure what the purpose was, maybe to find the meaning behind knowing who my father is, and the kind of gifts he left behind not just for his family but for those who knew him. The greatest gift I received in January 2010 was Dr. Chan's words to me, 'Your father was a great person and one of my best friends.' I sense Dr. Chan's eyes becoming watery, as he paused before he went on to tell me all the great things my dad did for him. It was truly a great moment. I have a feeling Dad was listening and sharing in the conversation. ;-)

So, here I am in 2010. I was 30 years young when Dad passed. I promised him I would live a good, happy and ful-filling life. Time really goes by so quickly. In a flash of a moment, life will be over. Dad passed at age 68. We were there to hold his hand and feel his last breath on earth. From that moment forward, I knew life was precious and is only a breath away from the other side. It was dad's time and someday it will be ours. While we're still here, we ought to make the best of the life we have. I have reflected on the many lessons I have learned through dad.

Here's a list:
- laugh & smile as much as possible cuz life is already serious.
- fight the battles for others, not for yourself
- put family as the center of your life, you can't go wrong.
- leave a positive mark, be it planting a tree (dad's pear tree is still here) or helping someone who needs it more than you.
- cultivate good friends who reciprocate love & care, not only laughs with you but cry with you.
- a good man is a gentleman who seeks to find answers to life's questions.
- education is the heart of a individual and society
- a great father is always a timeless gift.

Thank you, Dad. I placed a pear on your stone today! It's beautiful.